“Inseparable ♥ ”

July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011

After reading over my blogs, i realised that all of them have been happy blogs, ending with happy smiles and a fulfilment of love that i have promised to show David. I remember always looking forward to writing blogs to David, so that i could watch him on webcam reading it and eventually actually see tears roll down his eyes from reading my blogs that i dedicate to him, because of the heart touched feeling I give to him through each and every single world.

But now things are different, it's not him shedding the tears, it's me. Even just writing the first paragraph made me tear up already. It's just the past months have been so hard for me, I don't know why they turned out to be like this. I always thought that things were going good, that I was fulfilling my duties right, and that was to make David happy, to put that smile on his face. But now, it's just gone too out of hand, I dont know if its me or if its him wanting so much of me.

I've been with him for over a year now and just the past few months haven't been as great as i would have wanted them to be. Each time there was a problem, I knew there was always a way for me to fix them, to make it better, so that i could make david smile so that I can show him what he really deserves in a relationship, which is a loving girlfriend who will listen to him and always make him happy. I know I'm not perfect, yet nobody is and because of that latley i've been trying extra hard to show more love towards him, I cooked for him one year, i made a scrap book for him for one year, I buy him clothes, I baught him the gym bag, and besides all those materialistic things I've promised to change myself inorder to make him happy, yet all those things I try and do for him, they seem to never matter.

It's like my efforts of wanting to make him happy aren't appreciated at all. Is it because I'm not trying hard enough ? Is it?

I know the goals I want to achieve with david, they are set goals within my mind that I want to be able to succeed in. David's happiness is my number one priortiy and under those are so many different arrows that lead to so many different subjects of reasons on how to make this relationship work and how to make each one pull that georgous smile on his face.

I know i dissapoint him sometimes, because his not always in a good mood and I blame myself. I blame myself for not trying hard enough to achieve me goals i promised I would set. I realised that I know I'm not the best girlfriend any guy could ask for, nor is David the best boyfriend, for my own personal reasons, but I belive that behind this whiney, annoying, clingy, sulky girl, I'm more than just a girl whos there in his life. I know I love him, because I know my willingness to change for the better. I know that on normal days, he really does love me, but then theres just that one off odd day where things don't turn out as great and because of that, I blame myself.

I pray to god that things will work out between him and I. David isn't just another guy who walked into my life, is suppose to leave and teach me a lesson. I know that what we had was real, I know that what we had was true and I will make sure I keep him by my side for aslong as possible.

I know I can do it, because my heart says so. I know I can do it, because one year tells me so. I know I can do it, because its what I'm destined to do and thats to love david, care for him and always make him happy. His my number one boy ♥