“Inseparable ♥ ”

July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011

So its officially, 5 minutes past 12, on the 1st day of the month December. It's been 4 days since the breakup and only today have i decided to finally let go, move on, cut all ties and hope for the best. As i write this, tears are building up, because it hurts me to have to let go like this; no goodbye, no explanation, just disappear like that from his life. I never wanted things to end like this, nor did i even want to end it the relationship itself. I finally realised today that I was the only one fighting for it to work, I was the only one wanting to put in that extra effort to make every last string get pulled.

It hurts so much knowing he wont be around no more, so much all I can do is cry helplessly without him by my side. I mean, surely, of course he can still be there, but as simple as it seems, it's so hard having him there knowing I love him still so much, that's why I have to do what I'm doing. As I type each word, I can feel each tear roll down my eyes falling down onto my lap as i sit here clenched on my bed infront of the laptop. It's all so unbearable, just sitting here alone in the middle of the night knowing that one years worth of good and bad memories, love, pain, laughter, tears and joy were thrown out the window, just like that.

Of course I still believe that I can make things work out, if I was given the chance too. Of course theres all hope in my heart that things could, would and should have worked out between him and I, if it wasn't for that one mistake on that saturday afternoon. There will always be hope in my heart for a better day and a brighter future with him in it.

I miss him so much words cannot explain. I'm trying my best to be strong and I'm trying my best to keep a smile on my face, but I know deep down it'll always kill me to know that someday, I won't be that girl in his arms no more, I won't be that girl he sends text msgs too, I won't be that girl he tells her he loves, I won't be that girl in his passenger seat, just overall, I won't be her ...

I wish I was given one day to change things around, one day to prove to him and to have him forgive me for all my wrongs and just have one last beautiful moment with him. Have him in my arms, next to him in the passenger seat, hugging him in bed, holding my hands where our finger tips meet, kiss him ... Just one day that I will always hope for. I just want to prove to him how much of a better person overall and how much of a better gf i have changed myself to be.

But in the meantime, when I'm gone, obviously it's not going to take him 1 day to realise im gone, but it'll have to take a few weeks and months for my disappearance to actually work. But with this I hope it will give him a chance to actually realise what life is like without me and for him to actually have time and space to think, for him to actually miss me and appreciate my presence.

Nicole & David - 111109 ♥



(us cooking for our one year anniversary :))